Mulder, It's Me: 9 Necessary X-Files

Mulder: Soo… lunch?
Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn’t open.

Mmm. X-Files. Want some? It’s quite a delectable recipe. Start with an FBI agent searching for “the truth”, throw in a redheaded skeptic for his partner, add some conspiracy, a dash of humor, a sprinkling of in-jokes, let simmer with a cigarette-smoking man and a unpredictable Executive Director, fry up some secrets and shocking past-experiences, toss in some deaths … oh, and let’s not forget a generous, heaping tablespoon of unexplainable phenomena and some U.F.O’s for flavor. Interested?
I’m going to give you an insight to the best 9 episodes from the first three seasons. Must-watches. Although I must warn you – you will need to be able to tolerate some eerie “something’s watching me...” feelings, handle American humor, and put up with the 90’s dress sense. Yes, people, this TV show is over fifteen years old. But just because Mulder’s mobile is like a brick doesn’t mean you have to scream in terror. That’s not the scary part.
Oh, and after watching these … don’t go into the bathroom. I’ve warned you.


Number 9: Ice

Mulder: Scully, get that gun off me!
Scully: Mulder, you have to understand!
Mulder: Put it down!
Scully: You put it down first!

Dun dun dun!! Have I got your attention now? This episode is one of the best in Season One. Surrounded by not-so-great-episodes, yes, but this one is well worth the watch. Guest starring Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives) and some other people I don’t recognize, this episode has Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, our FBI agent duo, quarantined in the arctic with some crazy geologists, their plane’s pilot, and a dog. Everyone is afraid of being diseased with a kind of strange bug that makes you really, really angry … enough to point a gun at someone, shoot them, and then shoot yourself. The agents are investigating the deaths of the previous inhabitants of this little home-away-from-home (not) down in the ice; it’s cold, the tension’s high, and somebody just died. Quick! Rent the X-Files, turn on the TV, and find out what happens!!



Number 8: Wetwired

Margaret Scully: Dana, you’re not yourself. He’s telling you the truth.
Scully: It’s not the truth, Mom. He’s lied to me from the beginning. He’s never trusted me!
Mulder: Scully, you are the only one I trust.
Scully: You’re in on it. You’re one of them. You’re one of the people who abducted me, you put that thing in my neck, you killed my sister!
Margaret Scully: That’s not true, Dana.
Scully: It is.

Oh no! Where did it all go wrong to take us to this point? I must admit I was a little skeptical about this episode on first seeing it, but after reading a little more about it, it certainly grew on me, to the point that it’s gained a spot on my top 9. The stakes are high, the paranoia is mounting, and Scully has been watching just a little too much TV. This second-last episode of Season Three sends Mulder and Scully on an investigation about a man who has killed five different people – but thinks they were all the same man. It leads Mulder to realize that people’s thoughts are being controlled by subliminal messages in TV programs. This ep includes few good scenes with the well-loved “Lone Gunmen”; and Gillian Anderson certainly delivers. Scully tears apart her motel room, flees the investigation, and ends up pointing her gun at Mulder and her mother. Well, 36 hours of subliminal messages is bound to have an effect on you. Also, I was advised to pay attention to Gillian Anderson’s hair in this episode – and it’s a nice little detail to pay attention to. As the paranoia mounts in Scully her hair style is affected by her feelings. Something to appreciate if you’re looking for it.



Number 7: Pusher

Mulder: Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!
Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy.

Pusher. The name of this Season Three episode, and the name of the bad guy. And my, is he one good badguy. The tension in this episode is excellent; it has one of the best climaxes of X-Files I’ve seen so far. I like it. This episode sends Mulder and Scully after a man who appears to possess the power to push his will onto other people. But the way he puts it, “they kill themselves”. And when Mulder and Scully find out that Pusher is a dying man, It changes things. The final scene puts both agents’ lives on the line with a high-tensioned game of Russian Roulette, in which Scully isn’t even playing! But, (by the will of Pusher! He he that sounds so cliché) the gun gets turned on her without hesitation – by her own partner….
You’ll have to watch to find out what happens. High tension, as I said. Fearful tension mostly, and a little sexual tension between Dana and Fox, which always adds to the show. 45 minutes of my life not wasted.



Number 6: Squeeze/Tooms

Scully: Oh my god, Mulder, it smells like … I think it’s bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

All right, all right. So this is two episodes. Separated by eighteen episodes in between. I know. But these episodes in season one are by far great, even if they are pretty scary. The monster-of-the-week is Mr. Eugene Tooms, a human (or not) who hibernates every thirty years and comes out only to eat people’s livers for survival. I’m as grossed out as Mulder and Scully are in the above quote. But because of the scare-factor these eps are worth watching! Grab a blanket and maybe keep the lights in the next room on. And don’t go into the bathroom like Scully does in “Squeeze”. Just stay clear of there for a while. Make sure you go before the episode – though, I must admit, even if you do you’re gonna have to go again halfway through. Enjoy!



Number 5: Anasazi/The Blessing Way/Paper Clip

Mulder: Lots of files.
Scully: Lots and lots of files.

This trio of episodes (the finales of Season Two and the opening to Season Three) have Mulder acting rash and punching Skinner, Scully finding a small computer-chip like implant in the back of her neck, the murder of Mulder’s father, Scully shooting Mulder, a mineshaft full of files (as says the above quote), Scully’s sister being shot by a sniper, Mulder being left for dead in a burning railway car, Krycek going rogue, and Scully and Skinner pointing guns at one another. An edge-of-your-seat three parter that you’ll probably wanna watch all at once. So get some cookies and milk, plenty of pillows, and make sure you close the windows so the neighbors don’t hear you yelling at the TV like a lunatic.



Number 4: Irresistible

Mulder: People videotape police beatings on dark streets. They see Elvis in three cities across America every day. But no one saw a pretty woman being run off the road in her rental car?

What’s happened to Scully?? We’ll get to that in a moment, but this Season Two episode, though a scary one, due to the lack of super-naturalness that makes you know it’s not real, is a brilliant one. Well written, and make sure you pay attention to the filming of it. The camera angles really add to the suspense. Meet Donnie Pfaster, a normal-looking guy with the horrible obsession of cutting the hair off dead bodies. Yeah. Freaky. Especially if you’re Dana Scully, who has a hard time dealing with this case, and has the unfortunate experience of being kidnapped by Pfaster himself, once he converts to people who are … well, alive. Don’t worry, it all finishes off with a lovely heart-warming moment between Scully and Mulder that makes you go “aww, I love Mulder!!” … well, maybe that’s just a girl thing. But anyway, you’ll love it all the same! Just don’t make the mistake of walking down the streets to a friend’s house just as it’s getting dark, like I did immediately after watching this episode….



Number 3: D.P.O

Sherriff Teller: “Suspicion of homicide by emission of direct electric current”? You don’t really believe this. Let me get this straight, now. You’re telling me this kid’s throwing lightning bolts?
Scully: In effect.

Two words. Well, actually, four: Giovanni Ribisi. Jack Black.
In the X-Files!! What more could we ask for? If you love Jack Black and/or Giovanni Ribisi like I do, you’re gonna love this Season Three episode from before either of them were famous. Ribisi carries it, and you’ll be wanting to see him instead of Mulder and Scully for once, even though he’s the bad guy. This episode has our heroes investigating a supposed murder outside an arcade, where the victim seems to have been cooked from the inside. Ribisi is “D.P.O”, a young guy who seems to be able to “throw lightning”. When the town he lives in chalks up five lightning-related deaths, Mulder suspects something is amiss…. Despite the apparent validity of the autopsy results Mulder asks her to review, Scully for once finds herself in perfect agreement with her partner – especially when the suspect jump-starts his boss's heart-bare-handed. An intriguing, well acted episode.



Number 2: War of the Coprophages

Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've come to acro...
Scully: Who?
Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum. Anyway her theory is...
Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Mulder: Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields -
Scully: Her name is Bambi?

Poor Scully. She gets left behind with her little dog Queequeg (adopted in the episode “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose) while Mulder is off somewhere else investigating a bizarre case in which cockroaches are attacking people. A hilarious episode. Scully’s moments at home give us an amusing insight to her “off the record” life – trying to wash Queequeg and then losing her soapy little dog through the house, reading “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, eating ice-cream in front of the computer, and falling asleep in bed with the phone by her side waiting for Mulder to call. And call he does – quite a few times, wanting her to come down – though she doesn’t have to for most of the episode, as she neatly elucidates Mulder’s theories on the killing, coming up with alternative, accurate examples when he thinks the attacks are cockroaches. There’s plenty of in-jokes in this episode from Season Three, which is written by Darin Morgan, who I think is brilliant, as he writes some of the funniest X-Files ever. Anyway, I’ll let you watch the episode to hear and see the rest.




Number 1: Jose Chung’s “From Outer Space”

(Manners: Well, thanks a lot! You really BLEEPED up this case!)
Scully: Well, of course he didn't actually say 'bleeped', he said...
Jose Chung: No need to elaborate. I'm quite familiar with law enforcement ... vernacular.

A seek to find the truth! That’s what this episode – of Season Three – Is about … although, no conclusion is officially reached. Jose Chung, an author (portrayed by the well-known Charles Nelson Reilly), interviews Scully to find the truth about a certain case she and Mulder investigated. Told mostly from Scully’s point of view, and even funnier than “War of the Coprophages”, this episode (written by Darin Morgan, surprise surprise), with its twisted sense of humor and unreliable points of view, has you laughing out loud. Thanks to Gillian Anderson, Scully’s facial expressions are priceless, as she has to put up with all the outrageous accounts and actions of the other characters. Explaining about the above quote, as I said, we are completely in Scully’s point of view here, so Detective Manners actually speaks the word “bleep” rather than cursing. It works a treat. Another brilliant scene is the “alien autopsy”, which is recorded on a video camera and watched back by Jose Chung during his interview with Scully, who groans, “It’s sooo embarrassing…” as she presses play. I could watch this one over and over again – and don’t worry – it’s definitely okay to go to the bathroom now. As long as you’re not afraid of people in alien costumes, hypnosis and some “bleeping”, you’ll be fine.


Finally, other notable episodes which didn’t quite make it on my list are as follows: Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose, Quagmire (these two, along with War of the Coprophages, are the “Queequeg” trilogy – the only episodes featuring Scully’s little red dog), Syzygy, Our Town, Fresh Bones, Duane Barry/Ascension/One Breath (skip the episode “3” between two of these, it’s simply a filler and is terrible), and of course, the Pilot.

All right, signing off now…. The truth is out there!